A Letter to my Children – Why Mummy Writes

I hope that one day you will read this and understand a bit more about why I have changed my life so completely.

Before, when I was going out to work, it didn’t make me happy. I know it was good to have a regular monthly income coming in, so that we could go on nice holidays and I could treat you a lot more than I can now. But I would pick you up from nursery and be stressed from my day at work, and be even more stressed at the thought of not having enough energy or enthusiasm to play with you both properly, and be the mum that you so deserved. My days at work become mind-numbing, staring at numbers on a computer to try and save money for a company that I had lost respect for. I had given my heart and soul but got no thanks in return, and it was wearing me down.

I wanted to be the stay at home mum who would make exciting craft ideas and cupcakes, and keep her kitchen spotless all at the same time. I wanted to ease your fears at starting school, and be there for every drop off and pick up so that you would feel like the most loved little boy ever.

So I left my job and expected a miracle mum-makeover. But it didn’t come. I couldn’t be the Pinterest mum that I so yearned to be. I know that I stepped back from you, and for that I am so sorry, you hadn’t done anything wrong. I was scared, and frustrated, that I had made this big change but it hadn’t changed me.

Now it feels different, I have found something that I really like to do, and I think I am moving towards being the mum that you deserve. It is writing, not numbers, that keeps me awake at night for the right reasons. I can’t wait to write about the new books we’ve read together or the fun new things we’ve been trying.

I know you get cross with me when I’m on my laptop and you want to play, but I hope you will understand that writing helps me. I’ve not found exactly the right balance yet but I’m working on it. Writing has opened my eyes to new possibilities and given me confidence; I feel like I’m finding out who I am for the first time ever, and hopefully that will make me a better mum to you two.

Love

Mummy Coconuts xx

 

15 Replies to “A Letter to my Children – Why Mummy Writes

    1. This has brought a tear to my eye because this is me right now more or less! I’ve just started an online company and putting everything into it right now! I haven’t yet found the right balance, but hoping I will, as the whole reason for doing it is so I can stay at home for my kids. xx

      1. Aww thank you. It’s so hard, when you get caught up in everything and just don’t have enough hours in the day!

  1. I love this. Finding the thing that you knew you should’ve been doing all along is wonderful and it can take over for a while. I have no doubt you’ll find the right balance eventually. xx
    #itsok

  2. That’s lovely. Getting the balance right is so hard and it’s great that writing is helping you to do that. Amazing how therapeutic the process can be – even when it’s really annoying/difficult/frustrating! #itsok

  3. It’s like you took the words out of my mouth! Beautiful post. Blogging has helped me find myself again after motherhood – and be more than just a mum. I’m also still trying to find that perfect balance (and feel terribly guilty when I’m at the laptop and Little Man wants to play) but those late nights on the laptop are so worth it in the end. As you said, #itsok…

  4. Such an honest post. I’m glad that you doing something now that makes you happy. My kids also get upset with me sometimes when I write or when I take photos for my blog but like you said we still need to establish that balance. #itsok

  5. Reading this I couldn’t help but think you are not alone. I know what you’ve been through job wise and how that mum guilt creeps in when you feel you are spending time away from your little one by writing #itsok

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